As I sat down to start writing today’s Blaugust entry, I found it incredibly difficult to get the words together. See, this topic is something I struggle with a lot, whether it’s streaming or even just with this newly created blog.
My entire life, there’s always been a little voice in the back of my head telling me that what I’m doing isn’t good enough. There are people out there who are infinitely more successful than me at the things I try to do. Their metrics are better. Their posts are better. Their content is better. So why am I even trying when those infinitely more successful people exist?
Yes, as you all may have guessed, insecurity has played a large role in my life whether I want it to or not.
The fact that this insecurity exists often gets in the way of my motivation to put content out there that I really enjoy. I’ve even noticed this with some TikTok content that I’ve filmed ages in advance for a character. I’m excited to put it out there while I’m filming it, but before I can ever hit the button to post it, the fear that it isn’t good enough sets in which ultimately leads to the video sitting in my drafts forever.
There’s been a lot of that with some of these blog posts, too.
Logically, I’m aware that all that is is fear getting in my way. I’ve always been a bit of a fraidy cat, I know that. Sometimes, I’m able to push through that, but there are other days where that voice is so loud that it drowns out pretty much everything else.
When that happens, though, eventually, I remember there are people out there who want to know about the things I’m talking about. I remember that there are people out there who do want to see my content.
I also remember Carrie Fisher.
This may seem like a bit of an odd segue, but I promise you, it isn’t.
I never had the opportunity to meet her before her death, but Carrie Fisher was a large part of my childhood. I grew up with Star Wars, so I knew her as Princess Leia Organa. I remained a fan of hers even as an adult, where my admiration pushed beyond loving the character she portrayed and turned into loving the woman she actually was. I loved how open she was about her struggles with mental illness. I loved hearing the stories about how she’d show up at conventions with a pot of glitter and would put glitter on people if she thought they were having a bad day.
But the one thing that will always stick with me is a quote of hers.
In 2013, Carrie Fisher was interviewed by HT Health. Many topics were covered in that interview, everything from her struggles with mental illness to, of course, Star Wars. At the end of the interview, she was asked if she had advice for people who also struggled with mental illness and were afraid to pursue their dreams because of that. This is what she said:
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
That quote has been in the back of my mind ever since I first read it. I was thinking about it the day I put down the money for hosting this blog. It was in my mind the day I started Blaugust and has been a constant presence in my mind as I go through this.
And when I need a little push, when that fear that my writing or my content isn’t anywhere near good enough and I’m absolutely terrified that it’s going to be ripped to shreds by someone, I close my eyes and repeat “Stay afraid, but do it anyway” over and over again until I’m ready to hit the button to put it out into the world.
It’s not a perfect process. I still absolutely have moments where I’m terrified to post something for fear of how it’s going to be perceived. I still have moments where I’m convinced what I’m putting out there isn’t anywhere good enough. The difference is that now, I manage to convince myself to post the thing, anyway.
I’ve learned that I may never stop being afraid or insecure about my content. After all, I’ve been creating content on the internet for years at this point. That’s a fear that’s never really gone away.
But knowing there are people out there who may feel the same, much like Carrie Fisher, surprisingly does worlds of good in getting me to actually put my creations out in the world. And maybe knowing that is going to help someone else, too, one day.
Stay afraid, friends, but do the thing, anyway.